


Songfic One Shots

by JoleneStark97



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Crying, Death, M/M, Songfic, a lot of OoC, domestic abuse, its just a mess and I can’t tag for shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-01-14 14:07:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18477799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoleneStark97/pseuds/JoleneStark97
Summary: I’m a fucking mess and need help*If anyone has any songs for ships from any of these fandoms please let me know*





	1. Watch~Billie Eilish (Stony)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony thinks about his relationship with Steve. Set after Civil War

_ Lips meet teeth and tongue     _

_ My heart skips eight beats at once.  _

_ If we were meant to be, we would have been by now. See what you wanna see, but all I see is him right now _

  
  


 Tony loved Steve, and Tony was a lot of things but he wasn’t stupid. He knew Steve didn’t love him. Steve didn’t give a shit about Tony.

  Tony knew that the only reason Steve had fucked him was because he was lonely. But he would pretend that every bite, every bruise, every thrust, was one of love.

 He pretended that Steve didn’t think of Barnes when they were fucking, he pretended that Steve didn’t leave his bed because he was disgusted with himself, he pretended that his heart didn’t break when Steve wouldn’t look him in the eye when they spoke.

But he couldn’t pretend any more.

  
  


_ I'll sit and watch your car burn _ __   
_ With the fire that you started in me _ __   
_ But you never came back to ask it out _ _   
_ __ Go ahead and watch my heart burn

_ With the fire that you started in me _ _   
_ _  But I'll never let you back to put it out _ . 

 

 Tony never told him to leave, never asked a single fucking question, never even once complained. But seeing Steve with Barnes at his side had made him want to scream that it wasn’t fair, that he comforted Steve through everything, even when he felt like breaking down himself.  Steve started a small fire in Tony but now it was a roaring blaze, taking down everything in its path.

 

_  Your love feels so fake _ __   
_ And my demands aren't high to make _ __   
_ If I could get to sleep, I would have slept by now _ __   
_ Your lies will never keep, I think you need to blow 'em out _ __   
  


 Tony couldn’t sleep, he stayed up all night in the workshop, tinkering with random things. He could barely look at the suit anymore, the indent from the shield still in chest plate stared back at him. 

 Steve’s shield sat next to his suit collecting dust Tony refused to touch it, knowing that if he did, he’d start bawling.

 Tony knew that every word Steve said when they fucked was a lie. Every praise or declaration of love rang in his head and made him want to scream. He sat down on his bed and did just that about a week after Siberia, ignoring Friday trying to calm him down, Rhodey’s calls, and Pepper’s frantic knocks on the door.

 

_ I'll sit and watch your car burn _ __   
_ With the fire that you started in me _ __   
_ But you never came back to ask it out _ __   
_ Go ahead and watch my heart burn _ __   
_ With the fire that you started in me _ _   
_ __ But I'll never let you back to put it out

 

__ Eventually Tony stopped being sad about it, he became angry. How dare Steve do this, how dare he think that Tony wouldn’t care about what the public thought about the avengers. Tony destroyed every room in his quarters including the workshop.

   He shoved everything to the floor threw his stool across the room. He pushed the suit to the floor the noise it made when it fell made him feel a little better. Then he saw the shield.

   Everything seemed to go in slow motion, Tony didn’t remember picking up the shield nor did he remember taking a hammer and beating it. But when it wouldn’t do any damage he broke down, big fat tears rolling down his face, ugly sobs coming from his chest, sliding down to the floor and holding his stomach because he couldn’t breathe. He remembered that.

  
  


_ When you call my name _ __   
_ Do you think I'll come runnin'? _ __   
_ You never did the same _ __   
_ So good at givin' me nothin' _ __   
_ When you close your eyes, do you picture me? _ __   
_ When you fantasize, am I your fantasy? _ __   
_ Now you know _ _   
_ __ Now I'm free

 

 When the box with the letter and phone came, Tony almost threw it out. Rhodey kept him from doing so because “What if we end up needing him, Tony you know what’s coming.”

That night Tony put the letter in drawer, but the flip phone was laying open on the bed with the Steve’s contact showing. 

 Tony called. It rang and rang, it was probably really late wherever Steve was, considering last he heard from Natasha they were going to Wakanda. 

 The voicemail message popped up. 

Tony took a deep breathe and let it out. 

“I love you Steve.”

 

_ I'll sit and watch your car burn _ __   
_ With the fire that you started in me _ __   
_ But you never came back to ask it out _ __   
_ Watch my heart burn _ __   
_ With the fire that you started in me _ _   
_ __ But I'll never let you back to put it out

  
  


   Steve knew he fucked up with only person who wanted him for him in this generation. He let his own ego stomp all over an already fragile heart. So every night he’d sit on his cot and listen to the message Tony sent him and listen to the way his voice sounded like he had been crying for weeks and how it quivered when he spoke. Every time he’d listen to it knowing he’d never be able to make it right, Steve would let a few tears escape.

 

_ Never let you back _ __   
_ Let you back, let you back _ __   
_ Never gonna let you back _ _   
_ __ Let you back

  
  
  
  


__

  
  
  



	2. Fix You- Coldplay (Requested)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this it’s a bit one sided and Diego is a little out of character. I didn’t do the complete song because I didn’t know what else to write for the other verses but I hope I did some justice.

_ When you try your best, but you don't succeed _ _   
_ _ When you get what you want, but not what you need _ _   
_ _ When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep _ _   
_ __ Stuck in reverse

 

When they were kids they were drawn to each other, it was almost as if it hurt to be away from one another. Diego could never explain it. They did everything together, they studied, ate, and played together.

 When they were sixteen, Klaus stopped being with him all the time, Klaus almost never talked to him anymore, only to ask a question or to tell him to go away.

 Diego had had a really bad day that day, dad worked them to the bone and Klaus wasn’t there. Klaus hadn’t been home in two days. 

It was about one in the morning when he heard a noise down the hall, he walked out of his room towards the noise, towards Klaus’ room. When Diego opened the door he didn’t expect to see Klaus throwing things out of the closet.

“Where is it? Where is it?”

“K-K-Klaus?” Diego asked.

Klaus looked up, eyes were red and glazed, he looked like he hadn’t slept in the two days he had been gone.

“Diego! Oh boy am I glad to see you right now.” He had a smile on his face that was like plastic. “Look I need you to tell mom I won’t be home for our birthday this year so no need to make me a cake.” 

Diego was confused “W-What? Where will you be?”

Klaus turned back towards the closet and pulled out a black gym bag. “I’m leaving.”

Diego didn’t know what to say about that, he was sure he had heard Klaus wrong. “You’re leaving?”

His voice sounded foreign, broken almost. Klaus looked up once again, red rimmed green eyes looked into tearfilled brown ones. Klaus got up and walked over to Diego and took him by the shoulders, “Come on, let’s get you back to bed.”

Klaus lead him down to his room and got him back into bed. After he was settled Klaus spoke, “Di, I promise we’ll still see each other. I just, I just can’t stay here anymore, I can’t handle it.”

But before Diego could say anything Klaus was out of the room leaving Diego behind and not knowing when they’d see each other again.

Two weeks later Diego had followed.

 

_ And the tears come streaming down your face _ _   
_ _ When you lose something you can't replace _ _   
_ _ When you love someone, but it goes to waste _ _   
_ __ Could it be worse?

 

I wasn’t until after Diego got kicked out of the police academy that he saw Klaus again. He was walking home one night after getting groceries, he saw a figure sat down by his door. Diego pulled a knife out of his holster, silently creeping towards the figure, it wasn’t until he noticed the brown mop on the figures head that he realized it was Klaus. 

Diego stood there for a moment not fully understanding why Klaus was there, last Diego had heard he was in jail for public intoxication.

“Klaus?”

Klaus’ head turned towards his name, when he saw Diego a big smile broke out on his face. 

“Di!” 

Diego didn’t return the smile, “What are you doing here?”

“Can’t I come see my brother?” Klaus asked.

Diego snorted. “Knowing you? No”

Klaus’ smile dropped

“Okay fine, I just need a place to stay for the night.”

Diego refused to call himself a weak man, but those big green eyes looking into his would always break him.

“Sure fine, you sleep on the chair though.”

Klaus’ smile came back full force. As Diego unlocked the door he felt Klaus wrap his arms around his waist, Diego looked back in shock.

“Just a thank you.” Number four said 

That night after Klaus had gone to sleep, Diego lay there just staring at him, he couldn’t figure out why Klaus made him feel like a little kid.

He had realized he had started dozing until a hand shaking him woke him up. Diego shot up out of his bed ready to attack whoever was there, but instead of an attacker he found Klaus’ scared face inches from his own.

“What, What’s wrong?” he asked still half asleep.

Klaus seemed hesitant to answer but finally opened his mouth to speak.

“I had a nightmare, can I sleep with you?”

There were the eyes again, the ones Diego could never say no to, so he just sighed and nodded.

“Yeah sure.” 

Klaus hurriedly got into the bed with Diego and cuddled up close. Diego knew that Klaus would be gone by morning and that they probably wouldn’t see each other for another six years,but until he heard that door slam in the morning and read the note that read ‘ _ Thanks Di, See you around xx -Klaus _ ’ he was going to let himself enjoy it.

 

_ Lights will guide you home _

_ And ignite your bones _

_ And I will try to fix you _

 

When Diego hears about an overdose over the paramedic walkie, he almost didn't acknowledge it until he heard the description of the man,

“Approximately six foot one, around 25 year of age, dark brown hair, tie dye crop top under a fur lined trench coat with pink skinny jeans,”

All throughout the description Diego refused to believe that he knew exactly who they were describing until.

“With a Umbrella in a circle tattooed on the left forearm. Caller says he is in what he believe to be a drug induced coma. Ambulance 34 direct to 436 Vecton Street.”

Diego was out of the door and already on his way there before the operator had even finished the sentence. When he go to the address he pushed through the crowd of people to the front but when he got there he was stopped by a paramedic.

“Sir you can't come any farther.”

But Diego wasn't paying attention he was looking past the other paramedics to see the person on the stretcher, and his worst suspicions were confirmed, It was Klaus.

“Sir, Please step back.”

“He’s my brother!” Diego practically yelled at the man.

The man took a step back from him, and sighed

“Fine you can go in, but first tell me his and your names.”

“Klaus and Diego Hargreeves.”

The paramedic clearly knew their names after he was told if his expression was anything to go by, but he let finally let Diego through.  When Diego got to Klaus it took everything in him not to sob, His brother looked lifeless on the stretcher, two paramedics stood on either side of him, one pumping chest and the other turning on the defibrillator. 

“Clear!” the paramedic yelled.

With a big shock right to the chest Klaus shot up off the bed with a gasp for breath, while Diego just stared on at the scene the paramedics were checking Klaus over, who was looking around confused but when his eyes found Diego’s and the smile that graced lips, pulled at Diego and had him running towards his brother and collapsing into Klaus, who just wrapped his around Diego.

“Hey, it’s okay, i'm alright.” Klaus said

Those words were what broke Diego, he let out a sob and tears came down his face, because he knew that it was not ok and Klaus was not alright.  But Diego was going to try to fix that even if it killed him.

  
  
  
  



	3. Superman~ Eminem (Stony)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve goes out after the divorce finalizes (No Powers AU)

_   
_ _ You high, baby? _ _   
_ _ Yeah _ _   
_ _ Ya _ _   
_ _ Talk to me _ _   
_ _ You want me to tell you something? _ _   
_ _ Uh-huh _ _   
_ __ I know what you want to hear

  
  


  Steve doesn’t remember ending up at the bar, last thing he remembered was Sam handing him a shot of tequila. Telling him that it would help. Now he was in a club Sam nowhere in sight with lap full of a twink. 

  Steve met Tony in place like this. Tony was dancing on the dance floor, shaking his ass to some shitty pop song that was popular at the time. Of course Steve took him home. 

 When he got up next morning Tony was gone, a not was left on the table.

_ Thanks for last night, hope to see you againxxx _

_ -Tony _

 His number was scrawled across the bottom. You bet your ass Steve called it.

_ ‘Cause I know you want me baby _ _   
_ _ I think I want you too _ _   
_ _ "I think I love you baby" _ _   
_ _ I think I love you too _ _   
_ _ I'm here to save you girl _ _   
_ _ Come be in Shady's world _ _   
_ _ I wanna grow together _ _   
_ __ Let's let our love unfurl

 The first I love you surprisingly came from Tony about six months later. They were sitting on the couch in Steve’s apartment. Tony stared at Steve for about twenty minutes.

“What the fuck do you want, Tone?” Steve said smiling. 

But Tony didn’t smile just opened his mouth then closed it again.

 “Babe?” Steve was getting worried.

He climbed up on the couch and sat in front of Tony with his legs crossed.

 Tony opened his mouth again, “I think I love you.” He said.

 Steve stared at him letting it register, when it did a big smile broke out on his face. “I think I love you too.”

 

_ You know you want me baby _ _   
_ _ You know I want you too _ _   
_ _ They call me Superman _ _   
_ _ I'm here to rescue you _ _   
_ _ I wanna save you girl _ _   
_ _ Come be in Shady's world _ _   
_ _ "Ooh boy you drive me crazy" _ _   
_ __ Bitch you make me hurl

 

 Steve first noticed Tony’s partying problem a year after they had been dating, now Steve was all for a party but every night was excessive. But Steve stayed silent and when Tony would come home drunk and smelling like cologne that wasn’t his, and fall into bed. Steve just wrapped an arm around him and called it a day.

 Until he saw Tony in action. They went to a party in a club in the high end. Tony got hammered and started flirting with other men, Steve didn’t saw anything, just clenched his jaw. Sam was there too and struck a conversation, and was in the middle of telling a joke when he stopped and started looking over Steve’s shoulder.

“What?” Asked Steve

“Man, just, just turn around.”

When Steve turned around nothing prepared him for the animal that roared with anger inside him. There was Tony sitting on this guys lap, Tony’s lips sucking hickeys on his neck. 

 Steve stood up and stormed over to the guy and decked him right in the face. Everything seemed to stop. Tony had fallen to the floor and was staring at him with a scared expression.

“Tony get up, we’re leaving.” Tony did still looking scared.

Steve slept on the couch that night. And if Tony saw the tear tracks the next morning he didn’t comment.

 

_ They call me Superman _ _   
_ _ Leap tall hoes in a single bound _ _   
_ _ I'm single now _ _   
_ _ Got no ring on this finger now _ _   
_ _ I'd never let another chick bring me down _ _   
_ _ In a relationship _ _   
_ _ Save it bitch, babysit _ _   
_ _ You make me sick _ _   
_ _ Superman ain't savin' shit _ _   
_ __ Girl you can jump on Shady's dick

 

Steve has proposed two years later, he had taken Tony to London and they were in a restaurant that was way to expensive, but Steve give all the money in the world just to be with Tony, and Tony had always liked the finer things in life.

 After they had been married for another three years Tony had a visitor at the door. When Steve opened it he hadn’t planned on seeing a very pregnant woman asking for Tony.

 “Yes Tony Stark lives here may I ask who you are?”

“ I’m Mary Parker. I need to tell Tony something, may I come in?”

Steve hesitated “Uh. Sure. Yeah come on in, I’ll go get Tony.”

When Steve came back in with Tony in tow and Tony had seen the woman. He stopped in his tracks. But the woman had seen him. 

“ Tony”, she said sweetly.

Steve hung back in the doorway 

“What are you doing here?”

“Well I thought the father of my child would like to know that he has barely a month to get a nursery ready.”

Steve’s whole world halted. That baby was Tony’s? Tony looked back at Steve with a stony expression. 

“Steve you may want to leave the room.”

“No let your husband stay.” Mary said

“Let him stay to hear how he’s going to have to raise his husband’s child that he knew nothing about.” 

Steve walked out after that and didn’t come back for three days.

 When they brought Peter home with them for the first time Steve almost forgot how he came to be. Tony and his relationship was not the same but it was better, they had talked about what happened and Steve decided to stay. Sam tried to talk him out of it, but what did he know? And Steve loved Peter, he couldn’t just leave him. Could he?

_ Straight from the hip, cut to the chase _ _   
_ _ I tell a motherfuckin' slut to her face _ _   
_ _ Play no games, say no names _ _   
_ _ Ever since I broke up with what's-her-face _ _   
_ _ I'm a different man, kiss my ass _ _   
_ __ Kiss my lips, bitch why ask?

 

Another six years later and here Steve was. In a club and crying into this kids shoulder, four hours after his divorce had finalized. 

 When he had gotten the last of his stuff Tony screamed and cried while he begged Steve not to leave him. 

“Please, Steve, Please I’ll change I promise.” Steve silently thanked the gods that Peter wasn’t here to see his father's screaming at each other while crying, although it wouldn’t be the first time.

“ It been eleven years Tony, you had your chance to change. Fuck off and leave me alone!” Steve yelled in his face

Tony sat down on the couch that same scared expression on his face he always got when Steve screamed at him. 

“I’m done with the lying and cheating. I have been nothing but loyal, I have raised a child you never even bothered to tell me about. You’re a slut Tony, you don’t care about anyone but yourself.”

And with that Steve walked out.

 

_ But I do know one thing though _ _   
_ _ Bitches, they come they go _ _   
_ _ Saturday through Sunday, Monday _ _   
_ _ Monday through Sunday yo _ _   
_ _ Maybe I'll love you one day _ _   
_ _ Maybe we'll someday grow _ _   
_ _ 'Til then just sit your drunk ass on that fuckin' runway ho _ __   
  


  The kid in Steve’s lap sat up. Big blue eyes looked into his. “What’s the matter doll?”

Steve didn’t answer his question. “What’s your name?” 

The kid smiled a pretty smile. “Bucky.”

“Well Bucky, you wanna come home with me?”

Bucky stood up with a smile and held out his hand. 

“Let’s go then Superman.” He said while his hand caressed Steve’s muscles. 

 And if Steve noticed the familiar Black Rolls Royce and the man inside crying while watching Bucky and him walk to Steve’s car. Well he kept that to himself, with a sick satisfaction knowing that he wasn’t the one watching the other with another man this time.

  
  


_ 'Cause I can't be your Superman _ _   
_ _ Can't be your Superman _ _   
_ _ Can't be your Superman _ _   
_ _ Can't be your Superman _ _   
_ _ I can't be your Superman _ _   
_ _ Can't be your Superman _ _   
_ _ Can't be your Superman _ _   
_ __ Your Superman, your Superman

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I do this to myself an others?
> 
> I didn’t do the whole song due to the fact that it’s really fucking long and I’m really fucking lazy.


	4. My Boy~ Billie Eilish (Drarry)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was requested, I’m sorry it took so long for me to write this but as I had mentioned many times before, I’m lazy. And also Endgame. Im not okay just to let you know

_ My boy’s being sus, he was shady enough,  _

_ But now he’s just a shadow. _

 

Harry knew going into whatever it was that he Draco had, that it was going to be difficult. Draco never acknowledged what they were to anyone and because of that neither did Harry. 

Hermione and Ron thought he was going crazy, and who knows maybe he was, but whatever this “thing” they had was, Harry was going to make sure he made the most of it.

_ My boy loves his friends, like I love my split ends, _

_ By that I mean, he cuts ‘me off. _

_ WHAT!? _

 

Harry didn’t even have to ask to know why Zabini was walking out of Draco’s flat with an angry expression. When Blaise saw him standing there, he sneered.

“Good luck with him Potter, maybe cock is what could finally be what shuts him up.” 

Harry rolled his eyes. When the wards opened up to his presence he had to fight the urge to walk right back out. He could feel Draco’s anger from the door. Harry just sighed. “Merlin give me strength.” And he opened the door.

_ My boy, my boy, my boy. _

_ Don’t love me like he promised. _

_ My boy, my boy, my boy. _

_ He ain’t a man, and he sure as hell ain’t honest. _

 

“You know I love you right?” Was the first thing out of Draco’s mouth that night. 

Harry was luckily turned away from him, so he couldn’t see the eye roll that fought its way to the emerald orbs. “Mmhm.”

Draco was drunk, really drunk, they were lying in bed.  Draco had been babbling about nothing for three hours. His confession to Harry was nothing new it happened every time he was drunk. Harry learned to not get excited anymore, it always lead to disappointment in the morning.

 

_ My boy’s being sus,  _

_ and he don’t know how to cuss. _

_ He just sounds like he’s trying be his father. _

 

The first time Draco and Ron got drunk together was a hilarious situation. Ron was so angry by the end of the night, due to the fact that the most colorful word in Draco’s vocabulary was ‘bloody’. 

Harry soon realized that maybe letting Ron teach Draco to sweat was a bad idea. Because now everytime the had sex Draco called him something filthy. He played it off as dirty talk but Harry knew that the words Draco spoke to him had venom that made him want to believe it.

 

_ My boy’s an ugly crier, _

_ But he’s such a pretty liar. _

_ By that I mean, _

_ He said he’d change. _

 

Harry was there when Narcissa had passed, he had tried to console Draco by telling he knew what he was going through, and that it would get better. Draco shoved him the ground saying he’d never understand. 

 Two days later found Harry in the same position he always was. With Draco asking for forgiveness and Harry telling him it was ok and that he forgave him. But Harry didn’t have any hope for it to change.

 

_ My boy, my boy, my boy. _

_ Don’t love me like he promised. _

_ My boy, my boy, my boy _

_ He ain’t a man, And he sure as hell ain’t honest. _

 

Hermione and Ron stopped hanging out with Harry, and he rarely went to the burrow anymore. He hated this Draco had taken his life away and for what? A lousy fuck and some company? It was Draco’s own damn fault his friends all left.

 

_ Alright dude, go trip over a knife. _

_ My boy, my boy, my boy. _

_ Don’t love me like he promised. _

_ My boy, my boy, my boy. _

_ He ain’t a man, and he sure as hell ain’t honest. _

 

Harry seriously wondered if Draco had brain damage, then again he also wondering if just Draco’s presence was giving him the brain damage. Could wizards even get brain damage like that?

 

_ You want me to be yours,  _

_ Well then you gotta be mine, _

_ And if you want a good girl, _

_ Then goodbye. _

 

Harry hadn’t seen Draco in two months, he ignored the floo calls, the knocks on the door, and even the stalking. All in all Harry thought he was doing okay if he said so himself. “Alright love?” 

A voice brought him out of his thoughts. He looked up into the chocolate eyes of his  _ exclusive  _ lover. “Yeah, Georgie I’m good.”

The youngest Weasley twin smiled. “Good to hear.”

 

_ You want me to be yours,  _

_ Well then you gotta be mine, _

_ And if you want a good girl, _

_ Then goodbye. _

  
  



	5. Bad Liar (sorta onesided Stucky, WinterSpider)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a ship between Peter and Bucky. I usually don’t do this ship, or any ship with Peter Parker but this on felt right. I tried not to touch on Peter’s age, he can be any age you want really, but if you don’t like it, don’t read it.

_ Oh, hush my dear,  _

_ It’s been a difficult year. _

_ And terrors don’t prey on innocent victims. _

_ Trust me, darlin’, trust me, darlin’. _

 

When Steve told him goodbye that day in the woods, Bucky knew he was leaving forever. The pain in Steve’s eyes when he looked at him gave it away. Steve was leaving him.

Bucky wanted to beg him not to go, he had wanted to cry that he need him and that Steve couldn’t leave now, not after all they had been through. But he didn’t, he squared his shoulder, put a smile on his face and wished him good luck.

_ It’s been a loveless year, _

_ I’m a man of three fears, _

_ Integrity, faith, and crocodile tears. _

_ Trust me, darlin’, trust me, darlin’. _

 

Bucky couldn’t face Steve when he showed up thirty seconds later on the bench, his heart had clenched when he saw the man Steve had become. Steve had lived his life, he got married, had children.

Steve lived his life while Bucky was being tortured, He lived his life with Peggy, they fulfilled their dreams together. 

The same dreams Steve and Bucky had made together in their little one bedroom apartment, the same dreams that held so much love.

_ So look me in the eyes, _

_ Tell me what you see, _

_ Perfect paradise, tearing at the seams? _

_ I wish I could escape it, _

_ I don’t wanna fake it,  _

_ I wish I could erase it, _

_ Make your heart believe. _

 

When Bucky kept to himself most of the time, keeping his distance from the rest of the avengers. The only person that wouldn’t leave him alone was Parker, He would find him no matter where he hid. 

The kid was nice enough though and never talked about Steve or Stark, To which Bucky was grateful for, Peter always knew when Bucky was done talking even in avenger meetings. Bucky would sometimes stop mid sentence, albeit a small and quiet sentence, and Peter would finish what he was saying. Bucky couldn’t remember ever feeling so touched.

Bucky favorite place to be with Peter was the roof of the compound. They wouldn’t talk they’d just sit there and watch the sunlight. 

One day Peter grabbed his left hand randomly and just held on, Peter must have felt how tense he was or the subtle pull of him trying to get his arm back, Peter turned towards him.

“If you were going to hurt me, you would’ve by now.”

 

_ But I’m a bad liar, bad liar _

_ Now you know, now you know _

_ I’m a bad liar, bad liar _

_ Now you know, you’re free to go. _

 

Somehow Peter always knew when he had a nightmare, Bucky would be staring at the ceiling when he would hear the door click open and then shut, then the shuffle of feet before he felt the bed dip and a small weight on top of him. Peter would stroke his hair and arms and whisper that it would be okay. And Bucky would never admit it but it never failed to put him back into an easy sleep. Peter was always gone by morning though.

_ All my dreams never mean one thing? _

_ Does happiness lie in a diamond ring? _

_ Oh I’ve been askin’ for, _

_ Oh I’ve been askin’ for problems, _

_ Problems, problems. _

 

Bucky didn’t know what to do when Sam told him the news of Steve’s passing, he sat there for about three hours, and when he finally went to bed. A few hours after trying to sleep, or cry he didn’t which to do, but he could seem do either, he heard Peter’s telltale feet on his carpet. It was when Peters arm wrapped around his waist the tears started flowing. He turned so his face was shoved in Peter’s chest. Large ugly sobs made their way through his chest. He wasn’t just crying about Steve anymore, he was letting all the pain he’s been holding in for decades every sob that shook his body felt like a gunshot going through his chest. Peter just whisper sweet things while holding him through it. 

That was the first time Bucky woke up with Peter next to him. They locked eyes and Bucky knew that everything was going to be okay.

_ I wage my war on the world inside, _

_ I take my gun to the enemy’s side. _

_ Oh I’ve been askin’ for problems, _

_ Problems, problems. _

 

Bucky didn’t allow Peter a minute to himself for the next week, he felt like a toddler when their parents dropped them off at daycare, anytime Peter wasn’t with in eye sight he started to panic. The worst day was when Spiderman had been called. Peter had left before Bucky had woken up. Bucky jumped out of bed and searched the whole compound, no one but him was there, Bucky never liked to talk to Friday, so he didn’t ask her where Peter had gone. Bucky had started to let tears fall when his phone began to ring. The caller ID said Peter.

“H-hello?” Bucky voice sounded broken and sad.

 

“Hey Buck, Friday told me you were having a panic attack.” Came Peter’s soft voice. 

 

The sound of his voice made Bucky cry harder, the shake of his shoulders telling that he was trying to keep sobs in. “I’m sorry, you- you were g-gone and I-I thought you h-had left and-” 

Bucky couldn’t finish the sentence a sob ripped through him and once he started he couldn’t stop. He could hear Peter’s voice trying to coax him back, but his body would listen to him.

“Please don’t leave me too, Peter.”

  
  


_ So look me in the eyes, _

_ Tell me what you see, _

_ Perfect paradise tearing at the seams? _

_ I wish I could escape it,  _

_ I don’t wanna fake it, _

_ I wish I could erase it, _

_ Make your heart believe. _

 

It was Sam who took him to the first therapy appointment, but Peter was the one who scheduled it. 

The woman was nice enough, Dr. Alice Kline was her name, she told Bucky to call her Ali. 

When the therapy session was over Ali handed him a paper that had just printed.

“These are your diagnoses,” the she stopped and smiled a small smile. “I really hope you decide to continue coming.”

 

On the ride home Bucky kept looking over the list of problems he had.

 

  * Post Traumatic Stress Disorder 
  * ADHD



Were just two. But the list had six bullets, the two the stood out the most to Bucky were Abandonment Issues, and Codependency.

 

When Bucky got home he locked himself in the room, it wasn’t until he heard Peter knocking on the door did he move from his fetal position. Peter stood there with Sam’s copy of his diagnosis paper. Bucky broke down, but Peter caught him.

 

“I’m broken.” Came his cracked whisper.

 

Peter sighed. “Not broken, just a little not okay.”

 

_ I’m a bad liar, bad liar _

_ Now you know, now you know  _

_ I’m a bad liar, bad liar _

_ Now you know, you’re free to go. _

 

“I love you.” Came Peter’s whisper one night while they later in bed. Bucky’s eyes widened in surprise.

 

“Why?” He whispered back, but Peter was already asleep.

 

_ I can’t breathe, I can’t be _

_ I can’t be what you want me to bed. _

_ Believe me this one time _

_ Believe me. _

 

Bucky was screaming and sobbing, no one knew why, not even him. He woke up in a bad mood and Peter wasn’t there. Sam tried his best to calm him, but nothing worked. He wanted, no he needed Peter.

When the phone was pressed up against his ear by Sam he wanted to shake it off but a small part of Bucky knew that Peter was the voice coming from the phone, telling Bucky that it was okay and that he’d be home soon. 

“I love you Bucky.” Peter tried.

 

The sobs subsided and Bucky took a few deep breaths.

 

“I-I L-love you t-too.”

_ I’m a bad liar, bad liar _

_ Now you know, now you know _

_ I’m a bad liar, bad liar _

_ Now you know, you’re free to go. _

 

Bucky slowly got better, there was less breakdowns when Peter left, he continued therapy, and he took up piano to fill his time. There was the occasional slip up when someone would mention Steve, Bucky would clam up and walk away with I shed tears in his eyes, but who wouldn’t if their first love walked away from them and betrayed their trust.

But Bucky had Peter now, and Peter made the world a little brighter.

 

_ Oh-oh-oh _

_ Please believe me _

_ Please believe me. _

  
  



	6. Someone you Loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s pure fucking angst

_ I’m going under and this time I feel there’s no one to save me. _

_ This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy _

_ I need somebody to heal _

_ Somebody to know _

_ Somebody to have _

_ Somebody to hold _

_ It's easy to say _

_ But it's never the same _

_ I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain. _

 

Steve was his highlight in this new world, the only familiar thing that he had was Steve. 

He knew that Steve wanted a life, a real life, a life where he could settle down and have a family. When they were younger, they liked to pretend that they could create one together. 

They imagined a house with children running around the backyard, and rings on their fingers. Well at least Steve had gotten that, had gotten to be happy. That’s all he could ask for anymore really.

 

_ Now the day bleeds _

_ Into nightfall _

_ And you're not here _

_ To get me through it all _

_ I let my guard down _

_ And then you pulled the rug _

_ I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved _

 

He sometimes still had flashbacks and panic attacks, only there wasn’t anyone to coax him through them anymore, as he refused to let anyone else near him when they happened.

 He hated the sympathetic looks he got from the others, they made him want to scream that he was fine and that he didn’t need their pity, but he knew that would convince them otherwise.

_ I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to turn to _

_ This all or nothing way of loving got me sleeping without you _

_ Now, I need somebody to know _

_ Somebody to heal _

_ Somebody to have _

_ Just to know how it feels _

_ It's easy to say but it's never the same _

_ I guess I kinda liked the way you helped me escape _

 

 Funerals seemed to be a theme here in the past 2 years, first Stark and now Steve. He didn’t really know how to feel when the call came. 

“Hello is this Sam Wilson?” Said a slightly older voice over Sam’s speakers in his apartment.

 “Yes who is this?” Sam raised his eyebrows at him, but he just shrugged.

 “This is Aaron Rogers, Peggy and Steve’s son.” 

They both froze, Steve had told Sam of his children, 2 boys and a girl, Aaron, David, and Agnes. He had been told.

“Um. Yeah. Yes can I help you with anything Mr. Rogers?”

“I wanted you and Sergeant Barnes to be the first to know that Dad passed away at 3 o’clock this morning.”

He felt his stomach drop, his mouth went dry, he couldn’t move.

“I’m sorry for your loss Mr. Rogers, if there’s anything we can do to help…”

A sad chuckle came through the speaker.

“Mr. Wilson my father wouldn't want anything but for you and Sergeant Barnes to be present.”

 Sam and Aaron talked a little more about the preparations for the funeral. Once Sam hung up he sighed and then looked at him. Sam was taking in his pale face and shallow breathing.

 “James..”

 “I’m gonna be sick.” He barely made it to the trash can before he vomited up his lunch.

 

_ Now the day bleeds _

_ Into nightfall _

_ And you're not here _

_ To get me through it all _

_ I let my guard down _

_ And then you pulled the rug _

_ I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved _

 

 He refused any contact with outside would in the days up to the funeral. But Sam had come in the day before and gave him his suit. 

When he put it on tears started down him cheeks, knowing that in just a few hours he would watch the love of his life be buried. When Sam found him, they just hugged while Sam let him cry on his shoulder.

 

_ And I tend to close my eyes when it hurts sometimes _

_ I fall into your arms _

_ I'll be safe in your sound 'til I come back around _

_ For now the day bleeds _

_ Into nightfall _

_ And you're not here _

_ To get me through it all _

_ I let my guard down _

_ And then you pulled the rug _

_ I was getting kinda used to being someone you _

 

After the service and the burial everyone had gone to talk, but he stood there looking at the stone.

 

_                   “We’ll miss you Cap.” _

_                   Steven Grant Rogers _

_               July 4 1918-May 25 2025 _

_                             Loving  _

_                             Father _

_                           Husband _

_                              And  _

_                            Friend. _

 

It was basic but it was Steve’s. He started when he felt a hand on his shoulder, but he didn’t turn.

 “He spoke very highly of you, you know.” Aaron’s voice came from behind him.

“He told us stories of your past, even.. the later years.”

He tensed up at that.

 “Don’t worry Sergeant Barnes, the only reason he told was because I was confused as to my own sexuality.”

  He finally turns around and looks into a face that looks so much like Steve.

“And how did that work out?” He said in barely a whisper. 

Aaron huffed a laugh, “Well my husband and I have been together for 25 years, so I’d say it worked out fine.” Aaron’s face went serious again.

“He loved you James, so much, but he knew it wouldn’t be the same anymore. Mom knew too, she would get him through his ‘Missing Bucky Spells’ as we called them.” 

He cracked a smile at Aaron’s joke.

“I understood why he left, We weren’t the same people.” He sighed

“You should get back to your family. I don’t mean to keep you.”

It was Aaron’s turn to sigh, “You are family James.”

It was the first time Aaron saw it, ‘Bucky’s Twinkle’ dad called it, for a moment it made his eyes a brighter blue than Aaron had ever seen.

And for the first time in a long time James felt like Bucky.

 

_ But now the day bleeds _

_ Into nightfall _

_ And you're not here _

_ To get me through it all _

_ I let my guard down _

_ And then you pulled the rug _

_ I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved _

_ I let my guard down _

_ And then you pulled the rug _

_ I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved. _

  
  
  



End file.
